The concept of submission to one’s husband is as old as time itself. In the creation story, God saw that Adam was lonely and He created a helper and a companion for him. Adam named her woman.
Although being submissive is a very old concept, it is also one of the most controversial and misunderstood concepts. Contrary to popular belief, submission to one’s husband doesn’t mean surrendering control or losing your voice; it’s about fostering mutual respect and harmony in the relationship.
Simply, it means having one centre of leadership to avoid confusion and to steer the marriage smoothly. A dual centre of leadership fuels chaos and confusion, a reason why a family head is important.
The Bible places the husband as the head of the house and instructs him to love his wife and treat her with respect. It also places the wife as her husband’s helper and instructs her to be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33). But how can a wife submit to her husband in this modern day and age?
Examples of Being Submissive to Your Husband
Communicate Clearly
Have a sit down with your husband and have a candid conversation about what submission means to both of you and how you can foster it in your relationship.
You need to agree on what your roles would be as a husband and a wife, what values you desire, and how you would respond to external challenges. Who gets to make what decisions and is it by mutual agreement?
Support His Leadership
Your husband is the head of the family and as his wife, you are the second in command and his helper. So, encourage your husband to take the lead in certain areas of your marriage and family life. Offer your support, encouragement, and constructive criticism along the way. Instead of putting your husband down; lift him up.
Show Appreciation for His Effort
Showing appreciation for your husband’s efforts, big or small, is a powerful way to strengthen your bond.
You might notice that sometimes all you see in your husband is shortcomings and all you do is criticize him for one thing or another- after all, it’s our nature as humans to focus more on the negative than the positive. But even as you criticize the negative, you ought to acknowledge and appreciate your husband’s efforts both big and small in making life run smoothly.
A simple “thank you” is all it takes to show that you appreciate his efforts but you could also go the extra mile and write him a thank you note or even cook him his favourite meal. You will find that when you appreciate his efforts, your husband will be encouraged to go out of his way to do even more for your family.
Listen Actively
Active listening is not just a good example of being submissive to your husband, it’s just a good etiquette that is needed in any interaction. When your husband is talking, try to put away distractions like your phone, for example, and give him your full undivided attention and avoid interrupting or dismissing him mid-sentence.
By listening actively, you show your husband that you care about his opinions and feelings and he will be more open to communicating with you since you’ve created a safe space.
Be His Cheerleader
Being submissive to your husband also means being his number one cheerleader, pushing him to his success, and celebrating his wins- both big and small with him.
Is he struggling with work deadlines or nervous about a presentation? Encourage him to keep pushing, reminding him how awesome he is. Did he finally finish the project he has been working on for months or got a promotion at work? Make a huge deal out of it and congratulate him.
Like a team being cheered on to glory, you will find that your enthusiasm can help boost your husband’s confidence in himself and help him reach his full potential.
Choose Your Battles
You will not always agree with your husband about everything but even so, try to remember that not every disagreement is worth fighting over, and you also don’t need to win in every squabble.
Learn to pick your battles wisely and be willing to compromise when necessary. Remember, all strong marriages are built on compromise. But compromise doesn’t mean that your husband gets to win all the time, rather it means that you both find a reasonable common ground that leaves everyone happy.
Validate His Opinions
Even when you don’t agree with your husband, and this will happen a lot, don’t dismiss his opinions and ideas but instead, acknowledge his perspective and respectfully counter with your own opinion. Instead of saying “You’re wrong,” you could try saying something like, “That’s interesting, but what about… ”
We all thrive when we feel heard and understood. So when you validate your husband’s opinion, he’ll feel more comfortable sharing his opinions and thoughts with you even when you don’t agree. This open communication is a great recipe for a strong marriage.
Maintain Independence
As a wife, submitting to your husband doesn’t mean losing your self, personality, interests, and independence. You need to continue to pursue your own interests and goals outside of marriage. If you neglect your needs and instead focus completely on your marriage, you may end up resentful and unhappy, a recipe for disaster in a marriage.
Be Patient
For any marriage to work, both parties need to practise a lot of patience, understanding, and restraint because let’s face it, marriage is not easy.
Try to be patient with your husband, yourself, and your marriage. Remember, that it takes time for people and even relationships to grow so give yourself and your husband time. Even when you have challenges in your marriage it doesn’t mean that you’re failing, you’re just having a bad day.
Create a Peaceful Home
Try to create a relaxing atmosphere in your home where both you and your hubby can unwind and destress. Simple things like finding ways to resolve your disagreements amicably, communicating calmly with each other, and even dividing tasks fairly amongst yourselves can go a long way in creating a peaceful home.
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